Blame it on the boyfriend, blame it on 2nd year busy-ness, blame it on my own lack of initiative, but I haven’t written an entry in ages. So, here’s a little update on things I’ve been thinking about in the past few months and things I’m thinking about going into 2014!
First on the list is the still at times surprising development that I’m in a relationship! Was at the time of my last post but I guess by now it seems like he’s sticking around. 🙂 We’re both in Atlanta at the moment, have met each other’s families, and are slowly shopping, hiking, and eating our way through the three surrounding zipcodes. Including some simple but yummy concoctions of our own! Bagel sandwiches with bell pepper, egg, Einstein Bros honey almond cream cheese, smoked gouda, and turkey/ham:
Anyway, this has drastically rearranged my general posture toward life just in terms of living in such extensive consideration of someone else–scheduling, but also life outlook, communicating and overcommunicating and where I see myself in the short- and long-term future.
…and Other Drugs
For example, just as Paul predicted, it’s divided my heart and affected the way I view ambition and achievement–what’s been called the alcohol of our time. It’s why supposedly many Ivy League girls prefer hooking up to relationships. “These days, the best people don’t abuse alcohol. They abuse their lives.”
Well, having gone through a study of addiction during our psychiatry block this semester, I’m glad to say I don’t think I’ve ever been addicted to success–I don’t think I’ve ever had a large enough dose to get hooked. But in the midst of a culture that strives so hard that crammed To-Do Lists and CVs become Normal, I’ve been thinking a lot about how to balance a desire to impact the world in the name of Jesus and the ability to find peace in my work rather than anxiety.
No answers yet. But they say this book is a good one on the topic of “impact,” at least.
And I’m reading it with one of the other women in my community group, so will post a review at some point!
Serving and/or Sanctification
This approximate moment also marks the first time in a very long time that I haven’t been significantly serving in ministry or on a clear trajectory in that direction. I ended up here a bit incidentally, and didn’t realize until finishing my CMDA leadership tenure the extent to which this had become a Default for me–it’s been close to a decade of almost nonstop serving or pre-serving.
Now, I feel a strange mix of stagnation/restlessness/confusion/mild identity loss… and relief. Part of me knows that as a member of my church, I do want to get involved in service soon, but part of me is wondering if God might be giving me a break with nothing lined up for a reason, if it might not be beneficial to sit for a tune-up before zooming forward.
Wanting to write more. Whom to spend time with in what will be the most study-intensive four months of my life. Exercise/body/beauty. Social justice. Sexuality. Gender roles. How much clothing/etc. to buy. How to love someone who’s hurt you a lot without falling apart. Daily, possibly boring faithfulness vs.(?) passion, and related, how Ordinary to be, or to be happy with.
Possible fodder for future posts as well, which I look forward to writing and I hope you might just enjoy reading. Happy 2014!